ON SOFTENING IN LOVE

For a long time in my relationship, I didn’t realize how much of myself I was keeping behind invisible armor. Not because I didn’t love my husband, or because something was wrong between us — but because I had spent years living from a place of striving, pushing, performing, and proving. I operated from the same energy in our marriage. I was always “on,” always holding everything together, always strong, capable, efficient.

From the outside, it looked like stability. But on the inside, it created a subtle disconnection — not only from him, but from myself.

It wasn’t until much later that I understood the deeper truth: when a woman stays inside her conditioned armor for too long, intimacy becomes harder to access. Not because she is flawed, but because emotional closeness requires softness, and softness is impossible while bracing.

I didn’t know how much I was bracing.

When I began softening — slowly, gently, almost imperceptibly at first — everything shifted. Not as a strategy, not as a way to “improve” the relationship, but as a natural result of coming home to my own feminine essence. When I started feeling my own worth, trusting my intuition, expressing my true feelings, and allowing myself to receive instead of doing everything myself… our connection deepened in a way I hadn’t realized we were missing.

A woman who softens is not losing strength — she is rediscovering her inner rhythm.

And something beautiful happens when she does: her partner often rises to meet her.

When I softened, my husband naturally stepped more fully into his own grounded, protective, steady presence — not because he was told to, but because that dynamic already lived inside our relationship. My openness didn’t diminish my independence; it simply created space for him to show up in the way he naturally wanted to — supportive, safe, loving, deeply masculine in the healthiest sense of the word.

It wasn’t about roles or rules. It was about resonance.

Softening didn’t make me smaller. It made me more me — more radiant, more expressive, more emotionally attuned. And in that space, our relationship flourished.

After 12 years together and three children, we found a deeper level of connection than we had in the early days — not because we worked harder, but because we became more aligned with who we truly are. I stopped living in my masculine shields, and he no longer felt like he had to fight for space beside me. We both shifted naturally, almost intuitively, into something more harmonious, more intimate, more emotionally satisfying.

Softening is not about dependence. It is about safety — the kind that allows a woman to exhale into herself, and into the arms of the man she loves.

I believe it is rather sad how as women, we have been taught (almost brainwashed) into believing that it is wrong to be cared for by a man, that we are supposed to be all independent, self sufficient and equally capable of pushing though and being successful (in the masculine definition of success).

And to be honest, I have struggled personally with being candid about this in my own life and with the people around us because the times I have been, I have often been met with confusion or judgements around my honesty of being truly happy, content and fulfilled by being in my feminine essence and allowing my husband to be the primarily taker of structure and finances for our family.

I am being deeply vulnerable here now, this is a sensitive subject to me (but real). I have often felt so guilty for being happy in this place, for allowing my husband to "take care" of me in that more masculine sense, while I have been tending more to naturally feminine qualities like caring for the children, taking care of our home and cooking. Don't get me wrong, I have also started my own candle business that keeps growing - but I am doing it in a much gentler, feminine based way, and this brings tremendous balance to both our relationship and family life - and if it brings balance and fulfillment, how could that be wrong?

Softening in relationship is about allowing a relationship to breathe. About letting yourself be nurtured, supported, cared for — not because you are incapable, but because you finally feel safe enough to receive.

A woman aligned with her inner essence, who knows her worth and moves from her heart rather than her armor, becomes deeply magnetic. Not because she tries to be — but because her presence is whole, warm, open, and true.

And a man aligned with his own essence naturally cherishes that. It brings out the protector, the supporter, the steady masculine that wants to show up fully for her.

Softening in love is not a technique. It is an awakening — a return to your own inner truth that ripples outward into the relationship you share.

And when that happens, love doesn’t just continue. It deepens. It expands. It becomes a place where both people feel at home.